Why My Friends Are Cool...

1. We've come to the understanding that he wants me, but that I don't want him, and he's perfectly okay with it and DOESN'T ACT ALL WEIRD
2. He knows exactly what I'm talking about when we're listening to Dylan
3. "The plastic people took all the coffee slugs"
4. He thinks my eyes are green
5. They tell me that I'm worth more than $480/month antidepressants (unfortuneately, he refused to purchase me for the discount price of $400/month)
6. They think that COOKIES are too spicy (ginger snaps)
7. They try to "shoo" my stupid thoughts
8. Can't get through 5 seconds of conversation without insulting each other
9. Calls me a brat (but only when he does it)
10. Calls me a heartless bitch (can't get enough of that)
11. They're riddled with insecurities, overcompensated with arrogance, bitchiness, and self-praise
12. Dude squeals like a little girl when I poke him (so incredibly adorable)
13. They say stuff like:
    s p a z matik: you're such a bitch
    s p a z matik: (did you lke that?)

    Hamhocks and pinto beans

    They let me poke and prod them

    They'll still love me even after I'm mean to them and become a stump (or, at least they'll say shit like that)

    They turn bright and painfully red after an hour in the sun

    Dude has a mutant penis

    They make me human

    I can trust them

    They love me

    They have a "fuck society" attitude

    They explore with me

    They make the stupid thoughts in my head that tell me that life is empty and meaningless go away (or, maybe they just give meaning in my life)

    They let me inside their heads

    I can say anything in front of them

    I can do anything in front of them

    Dude will eat anything (so I don't have to)

    They fuck up my sleeping schedule

    I can talk to them for 6 hours straight

    I make inhuman sounds and Dude knows exactly what I'm trying to say

    I can say stuff like, "I'm used to you looking a lot better" when Girl wears a hideous shirt, and she takes it as a compliment.

    Dude comes into my house when I'm not home. Dismisses my mom, who let him in. Sits down, turns on the T.V., and waits for me to come home.

    If anyone ever asked, we said that the basis of our friendship was that she has a car, and I have cable.

Why I Like Guy

1. He calls me a goofball
2. He's totally a lion
3. He goes crazy and screams when I act even a little bit weird and has to know exactly what's going on
4. He lets me hit him when he's being a dork/asshole, which is all the time
5. He laughs everytime I say, "I love you, asshole"
6. Dude, I just love him and he's great
7. He always makes me feel a LOT better about things that make me feel shitty
8. It's really fun talking about our life together
9. He made me like myself again (let's not exaggerate this one too much because I still am fucked up and depressed, but I've felt pretty shitty about myself since at least the 5th grade)
10. He says that I'm a lot better than he'll ever need so, when we break up, it shouldn't be hard to find someone that'll be adequate since I can already stand him
11. Stupid shit like going to see a movie is a lot more fun than it should be
12. He pretty much got me over the biggest hang-up I have about myself which makes me hate myself and beat myself up and makes me isolate myself from everyone I love because I don't think I deserve it and will just end up hurting everyone I care about
13. I actually like it when he says my name
14. He's always fun to be around
15. He forces me to tell him why I feel shitty, so I can't just get all depressed for no reason. Then he makes what's bothering me better
16. He makes me happy
17. He dared me to find someone better for him than me and said it might be really good for me, because I'd find out just how great I am
18. He makes me get off my stupid ass and be active
19. He makes me more social
20. He makes me more talkative
21. He makes fun of me...a lot
22. Not only does he think I'm stupid for all of the depressive mindwork I do to myself, but he's incredibly good at making me look stupid for it. Basically, he makes way too much sense for even my depressiveness.
23. He somehow snaps me out of my depressive head and makes me feel like it's possible for me to be happy and that maybe I kind of might deserve it
24. He's almost able to convince me that I'm not completely shitty and that I might actually be okay in some respects
25. He's a sex machine, and god so sexy
26. He knows how to have his way with women
27. He wrestles me down until I succumb
28. He makes me feel sexy, as in, even sexier which is very hard because I already think I'm so damn sexy
29. I'm not (as) afraid of loving him or him loving me

Why I'm Cool...

1. I'm a total nerd
2. I'm all about the keyboard commands
3. I use notepad to html
4. I'm a chick who knows computers
5. I have a kickass job
6. I'm vulgar
7. I cuss
8. I'm non-judgmental
9. I'm totally in love with myself
10. I like my body
11. I'm blunt
12. I'm an arrogant ass
13. I (for the most part) don't give a shit about what people think about me/what I do
14. I'm funny, dammit
15. I'm a total asshole
16. My intentions are rarely mean
17. It takes very little to make me scream at you
18. I rarely get truly angry
19. My annoyance is scarier than anger
20. I have an annoying voice that no one can forget
21. I look all innocent
22. I'm not.
23. I'm little, but I can KICK YOUR ASS
24. I'm playful
25. I have an amazing talent for tickling people
26. I'm a total guy
27. I'm happy (most of the time)
28. I have good taste in women
29. I have no self-control over what I say
30. I know how to analyze people's psyches
31. I'm over-rational (most of the time)
32. I know guys really, really well
33. I'm a good friend (as long as you don't mind that I'm an asshole)
34. I'm rude as fuck
35. Nothing shames me
36. I have like no tanlines
37. I have a southern accent
38. I can stand a little pain
39. I hate T.V.
40. I hate consumerism
41. I'm a self-righteous bastard
42. I think I know everything
43. I'm so clueless about certain things
44. I can admit my faults
45. I like my faults
46. I'm obnoxious
47. I'm insulting
48. I'm unforgiving
49. I can get people to do incredibly embarrassing stuff
50. I can get people to tell me really embarassing things about themselves
51. I have evil powers
52. I have no desire to use my evil powers for evil
53. I like Bob Dylan
54. I don't get PMS
55. I can take care of myself
56. I can talk about controversial stuff like I talk about the weather
57. I'm a crossword puzzle maven
58. I crack up at myself
59. I can get almost anything for free
60. I don't wear make-up
61. I have no concept of social rules