Playlists that Fuck with Your Head

  1. Heart Wrencher

Most Interesting Conversation Topics

  1. How stupid and fucked up girls are
  2. How stupid people are
  3. How stupid Americans are
  4. How evil corporations are
  5. Bitterness and depression
  6. Sex

Why I Hate Yolo County

  1. Postal workers feed you bullshit that can't even, by a stretch, be qualified as in any way accurate and try to intimidate you into compliance.
  2. Everyone is rude, inconsiderate, self-important, and pretentious.
  3. A/C people leave rat shit scattered all over your floor.
  4. Talking and (barely) kissing your boyfriend in a car and then having a Yolo County sheriff come up to the car, asking if there are any drugs or weapons in the car. Treating you like a dangerous criminal. Having six other cops gather around your car. Having your license seized to do a background check, then being given a stupid fucking lecture about inappropriate behavior and offending "decent" people.
  5. Being woken up by lights shining in your face, being treated like a total criminal, and then being told that there is an ordinance against camping and that we should "move along."
  6. It's FUCKING HOT.

Bad Ways to Hit on a Chick

  1. Finger-raping me
  2. Almost putting your hand around me while I'm taking a walk and saying, "Put some energy into it!"
  3. Staring at me while I'm stretching out my legs for several minutes until I'm so creeped out that I move out of your sight, but then you follow me
  4. Knocking on my door and asking for bread. Knocking on my door and asking for sugar. Knocking on my door to hand me my junk mail.
  5. Trying to sell yourself on how much you like pigeons, then feeding them until we're surrounded by about 30 loud, dirty, flapping birds
  6. Getting up off your seat on the bus to sit next to me, and then putting your head on my shoulder
  7. Trying to strike up a conversation with me and then giving me a really cheap Disney ornament
  8. Waking me up on the bus to sit next to me, and then saying, "You know, if you feel tired just put your head right here" while patting your shoulder
  9. Telling me I have a nice voice and then, when I say, "Really? Everyone thinks I sound 12," you say, "yeah...you do..." Takes a sideways glance at me and goes on, "You're pretty..."

Stupid Things I've Heard People (i.e. Girls) Say

  1. "I like country music because no one else does. If country music was really popular, I couldn't like it. I'd have to like something else."

WHY I HATE GUYS

  1. They stop talking to you when they realize you won't go out with them
  2. They act really fucking weird when they like you, making it impossible for you to hang out with them, thereby RUINING YOUR FRIENDSHIP
  3. They hit on you constantly even though you've already told them in a million ways, directly and indirectly, that you DON'T WANT THEM
  4. They try to feel you up when you hang out with them
  5. They stop talking to your boyfriend because they like you
  6. They accept and even encourage any and all female behavior in the hopes of getting laid, making women into incredibly hateful creatures

Weird Things Guys Like About Me

  1. The way my breath smells

Creepy/Annoying Calls I've Gotten at Connecting@Berkeley Consulting

  1. "Remember me? I'm the one that said you had to be 12 years old."
  2. "You don't understand, Let me repeat it to you for the twentieth time and try to spell it out, I'm not always connecting through dial-up, I also connect through the internet. How can you not understand?"
  3. "I'm sorry, can I please take back everything I said. I didn't mean to be hard on you. People were hard on me when I was young and that's why I'm hard, too now. Don't ever be hard on yourself. It's not worth it. I'm really sorry I was so hard on you." (Now, repeat that 3-5 times).
  4. "Did you know that you have a really nice voice? It's very soothing."
  5. "What ethnicity are you? How old are you? My brother married an Asian woman and my niece sounds exactly like you."
  6. "How much do you weigh? You sound like you're 90 pounds."

Things That Make Me Forget All Things Depressing

  1. Sex
  2. Sleep
  3. Shower
  4. Riding my bike
  5. Being with those few lucky people on my "list"

Ways to Avoid Depression

  1. TALK
  2. DO NOT NAP
  3. Do something productive/active (yeah, that can be hard, but maybe just start off with something small)
  4. Find a [temporary/impermanent] CAUSE and BENEFIT
  5. Eat when I'm hungry
  6. Sleep a normal amount of hours
  7. Do not go to bed sobbing intensely (bad dreams, horrible next day)

Stupid Things White Guys Do with Food

  1. Bamboo shoots in scrambled eggs
  2. Ground turkey and corn fried rice
  3. Sushi rice with meals
  4. Takeout rice with butter for breakfast
  5. Rice a Roni

Why America Is Dumb

  1. Corporatism
  2. Consumerism
  3. Conformity
  4. Patriotism
  5. We think we're better than everyone else
  6. Only 4% of Chinese children and 10% of Japanese students had scores on a math achievement test as low as those of an average American child (1993)
  7. Educate America Act of 1994: U.S. students will be first in the world in science and mathematics achievement by the year 2000.

Ways to Die

  1. In a dark, cold, large body of water
  2. Freeze dry myself, then have someone drop me. Then stomp all over whatever's left of me. Then, maybe sweep me up and do some chem work so that there's not even any traces of my DNA. I want to be completely obliterated from this world. Like I never existed.
  3. Pretend that I'm just "moving" somewhere. Slowly lose contact with everyone. Then die completely alone, no one even realizing that you're missing from this world
  4. Completely obliterate my existence 1984-style (burn all personal possession, close all accounts/credit cards, delete this web page...no trace)
  5. Disappear without a trace, without any suspicion

Ways to Wake Me that Will Make Me Not Want to Talk to You for a Week

  1. Get angry at me and start yelling. I don't want to deal with you that early in the morning
  2. Disturb me just enough to keep me up, but not enough to get me out of bed

Ways to Wake Me without Incurring Intense Hatred

  1. Do it quick before I have time to think about how much I want to stay in my nice, comfortable bed
  2. Ask me interesting questions to wake up my brain. My body will follow
  3. Make me laugh

What White Folk Have Taught Me

  1. How to create "truth"
  2. How to be culturally insensitive
  3. How to sound incredibly friendly in a completely rehearsed, superficial way
  4. How to test well
  5. How to bullshit so that people think that you know something when you really don't
  6. That networking matters waay more than talent and dedication
  7. That you should take full advantage of prejudice if it's in your favor

Surveys

  1. Is it okay to shower with a guy? (unanimous "NO")
  2. Is it okay to sleep with a guy? (some yeses, some nos, mostly "it depends")
  3. Can you pee with an erection? (mostly nos, some "it trickles," one yes)

Things My Mom Taught Me

  1. How to push people away
  2. How to end conversations
  3. How to predict what people want from you (so you don't have to speak to each other)
  4. Anger is pointless and just makes people feel really, really, really bad
  5. You can't trust or believe in other people
  6. Allowing yourself to love someone only brings you pain
  7. Privacy is absolutely essential
  8. The bath tub is the best place to cry
  9. You have to look out for yourself
  10. Life isn't all sunshine and posies
  11. Physical pain is nothing compared to what your own mind can do to yourself
  12. It's better to turn your heart cold than to feel betrayed constantly

Why Poor People Are Cool

  1. Friendly
  2. Generous
  3. Compassionate
  4. Irreverent
  5. Anything goes attitude

Why Rich People Suck

  1. Snobby
  2. Elitist
  3. Overprotective of their space
  4. Self-conscious about propriety
  5. Backstabbing, but polite to your face
  6. Superficial

Freakiest Dreams

  1. (8/11/2002): We were all sleeping in a hotel room, and I had the bed with Dude, who slightly disgusts me because he's all Mr. Haas, but he started to like, lie next to me and stuff. And, I remember thinking in my dream that this was a good "guy tip" for my friends. To show absolutely no interest in a girl, then to all of a sudden be all over her...[but, on second thought, that might not be the best of ideas]. Then, we went out walking somewhere in Europe or something with him, I think the two annoying girls in our group, and his mom. He angered his mom, and to make up for it, we convinced her to open up a business in this little shop. In one day, she had everything up and running and it was a Huuge success. But, the shop on the other side of the hall basically lost all of its business to her. So, I sat and had a cup of something hot with the shop owner and was telling her that maybe she should sell something that didn't compete with Dude's mom's restaurant. Like, it could be a social hang out, so that after they ate at the restaurant, they could just sit on couches and talk for awhile. But, then, this one guy, related to Dude's mom was outraged that I was helping this girl and sabotaging the family. I mean, I thought that I was helping out, because people would eat and get out faster to leave more space for paying customers. But, after that, I was completely hated by the family and I was getting all of these evil looks and constantly fearing for my life. And the whole time, I was like, "what the fuck, I didn't even do anything."
  2. There was this monster thing biting off all of our heads. It could get you if you were outside, or in the sun, so all of us stayed inside. Then, it figured out a way to get us. It took the form of animals that could attack you, or, if you scratched yourself until you bled, then you'd be dead. It got everyone until I was the only one left, and I was like, "dammit, I gotta make a son or something to continue the human race."
  3. I was standing in this tiny room and a few inches in front of me there was a cage with a tiger in it. If he clawed me and drew blood, I would be eternally cursed like he was. I was standing there with my friend in front of me as tight as we could since the room was so tiny. If we moved an inch, the tiger would scratch us. So we were just hanging out, trying to make a deal with the tiger when someone barged in and startled us. Since we were way tense as it was, my friend jumped just enough for the tiger to slice him, and I sat there and watched as he was eternally damned.
  4. Me and a couple of my friends were sitting around a table filled with fried rice. Part of my inner ear, which strangely looked like a dingy yellow clam, fell into the pile of rice. All of my friends were digging into the pile, and I was hungry too, but I didn't stop to eat since I had to find my ear. They were like, "C'mon, just eat," but, my ear was more important. None of my friends cared about the ear, but I didn't say anything. After awhile, though, I gave up and just started eating with them.
  5. Me and my best friend just had a fight, and that night I dreamt about us in this bare white room. He was sitting there tied up with a couple guys around him, eating his tongue because of how much I hurt him. I was staring at him in horror, but had to look away.

Things that Depress Me

  1. Frustration
  2. BOREDOM
  3. Not eating regularly
  4. Not sleeping right
  5. My own damn laziness
  6. The night
  7. Thinking too much
  8. Unproductivity
  9. Isolating myself
  10. Memory triggers of Irvine or my mom

Depression as a Step-Process (that means that this list is sequential)

  1. tired, don't wanna do anything but crawl in bed forever.
  2. obsess about how empty and meaningless everything is
  3. isolate yourself, feeling like you suck, that you don't deserve people, that you'll just bring them misery anyways

Pet Peeves

  1. Disturbing my fucking sleep
  2. Cut flowers
  3. Logo clothing
  4. Asian guys who look like they spend way too many hours each morning sculpting the perfect "untamed" hair
  5. Being really attracted to guys I would never want to go out with (sigh...)
  6. Video games (and, what am I supposed to do as you spend 10 hours in front of the computer?)
  7. The T.V
  8. Epsilon-delta proofs (and any other type of mathematical masturbation)
  9. That unmistakable McDonald's smell
  10. The color pink
  11. The culture of wealth (snobby, heartless bastards)
  12. Cell phones ("Sorry, I have to ignore you now, I've got a call")
  13. People who try to hard to sound smart (yeah, I do it, too)
  14. People who try to "save" you
  15. When people are over-the-top nice (when they go out of their way to be)
  16. PEDOPHILES
  17. Guys who fall in love with you when you're totally not interested
  18. Pleasure in cruelty
  19. People who think their "significant other" is their LIFE
  20. Obsession about appearance
  21. Rampant insecurity
  22. When girls ridicule their bodies
  23. Fishing for compliments by insulting yourself
  24. Girly girls
  25. When girls go out of their way to get panties from Victoria's Secret, just to buy regular white (or even colored) ones

Most Unattractive Things You Can Do

  1. PLAY VIDEO GAMES
  2. Needing constant reassurance
  3. Being incredibly anal and calculative to make sure that we've paid the exact same amount, to the penny. Just fucking take it easy. I'll probably end up paying more than you, anyways. Fucking stingy bastard, don't you trust me.
  4. Greediness (in general, but also when you take all of the good food and leave me shit. what the fuck is up with that?)
  5. Send me stupid anonymous crush emails (what are you in grade school still? just fucking talk to me)
  6. Think girls that I'm totally not into are hot
  7. Care waay too much about your stupid car
  8. Slow driving
  9. Jealousy
  10. Thinking you can win an argument with me, when you just sound STUPID
  11. You can't eat ANYTHING (i.e. white boys who think green peppers are spicy)
  12. Whitie-Tighties, especially when it's sitting yellow and dingy in your hamper.

Why Guys Are Cool

  1. They think it's sexy when you know how to pack luggage really well
  2. They don't complain
  3. They're so incredibly tolerating. Mostly, girls are fucking shitholes, and they just deal with it.
  4. They're easy. Sooo easy.
  5. They're honest
  6. You can insult them and it's funny
  7. They're not wimpy
  8. They shut up and do what needs to be done
  9. You can talk about ANYTHING with them
  10. They're always there for you
  11. They're nice, and it's consistent
  12. They don't hesitate
  13. They're just plain fun to be around
  14. They'll wrestle with you
  15. They love you for whatever you do and are

Why Girls Suck

  1. They think it's endearing when they act like cutesy little idiots
  2. They'll stare you right in the face and try to make you think that you two are the best of friends while stabbing you viciously behind your back
  3. They flirt solely for attention and flattery, with absolutely no consideration for the guy's heart which they are fully prepared to trample on just to make themselves feel better
  4. They're fucking competitive and jealous
  5. They add unnecessary drama to your life
  6. They fuck with guys' heads
  7. They've fucked over some of my closest friends, betraying my trust, and forcing me to lose all respect for their kind
  8. They're insecure
  9. They're always looking for reassurance
  10. They constantly insult themselves, which means you have to CONSTANTLY argue against their insults
  11. They're obsessed with appearance
  12. They throw themselves pathetically at losers
  13. They're hung up on acting "innocent" and proper
  14. They're petty and vicious
  15. They're judgmental
  16. They whine and complain

Who My Friends Are

  1. Guys
  2. Chinese (but usually not mainland)
  3. Jewish
  4. Good at math
  5. Nerdy
  6. Color blind
  7. Nice
  8. Bitter
  9. Grumpy
  10. White
  11. Overly rational
  12. Fucked up
  13. Complicated
  14. Irreverant

Why This World Is Stupid

  1. Excepts from a UCLA chat forum: Playboy wouldnt rank ucla #3 in the most recent rankings of college hot girls without damn good reason (http://www.playboy.com/on-campus/features/topten/index.html) Ucla tends to be very easy on the eyes, especially if your in a non engineering major. Be thankful you didnt go to berkeley (they ranked dead last at 300!!!, bwahaha!)

    I went to Berkeley once. Ya... I'm a dude, and I'm not gay, but even the guys there were ugly. I was like... "Good thing I am at UCLA..."

    That is not surprising at all. All these kooky protesters / liberal activists that attend Berekely may use their social issues as a way to divert attention from their poor social skills, physical appearances, anti-social attitudes. You also have to consider that many of the students at UCLA may have parents who live within the area because they (the parents) once aspired to be actors, actresses, models, and thus have higher-than-average looks, and thus are providing our campus with an enormous amount of eye-candy.

    I think the bottom line about Berkeley people is that they don't TEND to themselves. They might be hot if they washed their face and put on some makeup, but, alas, they DON'T CARE. Those are the kind of people that Berkeley attracts. Not the ones that are just BORN ugly. Since when is inteligence synonymous with ugliness? After all, Berkeley has a LOT of bright minds.

    Well, maybe if they at least took care of them selves some more...Most of my gf's haven't been known to wear makeup... but they still took care of themselves. While I was up there that weekend, I don't think I saw a SINGLE person wearing makeup. And most people were wearing clothes that didn't look very new... o.O

    I'm a first year freshmen, and I just can't stand it---there are so many girls on this campus...I don't know if I will be able to concentrate in class if there are so many fine women every where. What are your thoughts? (both guys and girls pls!)

    Girls are just hot here. especially one that really caught my attention but I don't think that I caught hers. well that't the only girl that I'll have eyes for. the rest are just there

    I was also amazed at the girls here. And your friends at other schools will often ask (more often tell) you how hot the girls here are. However, after a year you should calm down, lol. Especially if you are dating one these hot girls.

    awww. how endearing. =) yeah, unfortunately, i hear from my guy friends that the majority of HOT, FIONE girls here are all taken. =P Looks like you're gonna have to resort to the forum for romantic solace.
  2. September, 2001: "The Justice Department has drafted legislation that would allow the attorney general to arrest and deport suspected terrorists without presenting evidence in court." (Reported from the Washington Post).
  3. CIA Propaganda, start 'em early
  4. Barbie makes a doll that says, "Math class is tough."
  5. On average, the TV is on 11 hours a day and yet 58% of us are satisfied with what is on.
  6. Women apply an average 300 strokes of mascara per day
  7. Most women value being thin more than being "successful or well loved."
  8. If they had to choose, most women would rather get run over by a truck than gain 150 pounds.
  9. The Pentagon's recipe for brownies (document MIL-C-44072 C) is 22 pages long and took six months and 175 work hours to prepare.
  10. 37% of us put on a particular outfit for watching TV
Come back to me